The Ultimate Squatter on Vacation

Road trips are not always what they are cracked up to be. Especially when you are accompanied by a five year old and one year old who do not want to sit still and ask WAY too many questions. Add to that a GPS named Theresa who apparently was as unfamiliar with the New Hampshire and Vermont roads as we were and you have yourself a lethal combination.

It definitely took an hour longer than it should have to find our cabin in North Conway, New Hampshire. Thank you Theresa . But as we pulled into the drive a smile was plastered on all of our faces. Vacation had started!

My euphoria quickly came to a screeching halt when I went to use the bathroom. The toilet was topped with a heart stopping, eye popping wooden toilet seat. Let me explain. I am ALLERGIC to wooden toilet seats. Yes, this is an actual legitimate allergy. My allergy is so bad in fact that several years ago the back of both of my legs were worn completely raw. Yes, no top layers of skin. They itched SO badly and despite dozens of dermatology appointments, we could not figure out what was causing my allergic reaction. No light treatments, lotions, steroid shots or changes to body lotion, soap, laundry detergent, cleaning supplies, clothing, etc alleviated my pain. Only after reaching the end of my rope and Googling (yes, I am "one of those") 'posterior leg rash and allergies' did I discover a very rare but real allergy to wooden toilet seats (both the natural wood and white painted seats). The images on Google mirrored the back of my legs. I changed our toilet seats that night and slowly my legs began to heal. Ta da...I was allergic to the toilet seats in my new home! Can you imagine?

I considered myself a "hoverer" before but I am the ultimate "squatter" now. These cheeks don't hit ANYTHING but my own seats...well unless I clean it and examine it to ensure it is uber clean AND 100% plastic. So, now you understand my dismay at discovering a wooden seat in my perfect cabin getaway. Although I immediately wanted to run to the closest Lowes and replace it, I braced myself for the days of hovering to come. And all of it was worth it. We had a blast with our organic dairy farm tour, Ben & Jerry's plant tour, Storyland, outlet shopping, beach. Yeah, we were busy for three days.

We are safely back home from our road trip. Pictures and blog posts to come. Right now, I'm headed to the bathroom, MY bathroom and I will SIT on my seat for a good 10 minutes. Just because I can.


Suburban Snapshots said...

We just got tickets to Story Land, having never been. I'm anxiously awaiting your next post! (Found you admittedly looking for myself on the Top 50 Bloggers list over at Babble. Hi, sort-of-neighbor!)

monica said...

jamie, i'm sorry, but this is so sad it is funny. i feel so bad for you for this allergy! as for the gps thing and vermont. When steve and i went there for his marathon, we had such a horrifying experience. our gps is wonderful, but it started in lancaster nh, we took rt 2 as this was really the most reasonable and direct rt to burlington, and in lancaster we hit a sign saying "closed due to high water", so we hit "detour" on the gps, and followed it as it back tracked to another route, went down that rd about 2 miles, to find to our dismay as it was closed due to road washout.
when we hit detour again, it tried to send us back to our original path.
my first thought was "we are stuck in this tiny town!" we had to pull out the droids, pull up the map feature, and on the tiny map try to find another route around both these washouts. It added another 1 1/2 hours to our trip. After a bunch more driving, we ran into yet another road washed out. This time our "detour" feature helped. This one added 45 minutes to our trip. 3 washouts on our route! Later that night they announced on the news all the rain was causing washouts on rt 2. A bit too late for us! UGH

Anonymous said...

don't forget to put the seat up when you hover in a public bathroom.